How Did I Get Here?

Well I have been reading a lot lately. Mostly blogs some books. I just read from Wistful Wanderlust Unschooling How did we get here part I, II, and III. Thanks for those posts . I sent them to my husband who actually read them. He never ceases to amaze me. Anyway.... I decided to write how I got here. I was a teacher of Special Needs for 6plus years. I left for many reasons 1 being that when I tried to get the kids the services they needed I was told I couldn't recommend that service because then the school system would actually have to provide it and pay for it ! So I couldn't tell the child's Parents what I believed they needed! The parent could tell me what there child needed but if I agreed I wasn't allowed to say it out loud or in writing!! and 2. I wanted with all my heart to be home with my daughters. I had 2 at the time. So we crunched numbers and decided that we could do it. We went without buying a house , we had hand me down furniture, used cars and we didn't go on vacations once a year. But I was home. My oldest did go to school for K, and first grade. Then, after much help from both sets of parents, we bought our first house. Sara then went to a new school for 2 and 3rd grade. I saw a transformation in those years. One where a little girl who loved to be read to and loved to "read" to a child who hated to read. hated to write, hated to do math. She became unconfident . Well, when we moved Maddy was put into preschool for all of three days and I pulled her our and kept her home. The next year when she was to start K. It just didn't fell right so I kept her home to give homeschooling a try. Then next year we brought Sara home. We started out very much doing School at home. We tried many different ways of homeschooling. I read lots of books on different methods but still it was never as fun as I thought it would be and I always ended up frustrated. I learned about unschooling. It took me 2 and1/2 years of reading about it . But I kept going back to it and thinking that it really sounded like it made sense. But fear and my traditional background and teaching background kept me from it. I decided after having a panic attack that landed me in the hospital to try it.
Well a year later. I can say that I still have worries and we are taking baby steps but, I know in my heart, And I have to trust that and them (4 children now) that this is the path we were meant to be on. I am still learning but it getting better everyday!