More Bird Tree Photos

We enjoyed decorating the tree

and sipping on hot cocoa!

Look! We even added a star!

Don't Forget The Birds

And other furry creatures!!
We made some very delicious bird treats to decorate a tree in the woods!

Look who is Two!

Yesterday was my big boys birthday. And while I have never claimed to be a baker, I take heart that at least he had a decent cake at Cheryl's house. Mine fell apart when I took it out of the pan!! But it fit 2 Candles and 1 for good luck!! Happy Birthday Mr. Man!!

Some Festive Spots in my Home

These are some pictures of areas in my home that I feel are pretty at this time of year.

At Peace

I love the Christmas season I really do. But there really does seem to be so much pressure. Last year as I was shopping I started to feel sick. I left the store and drove. I kept repeating to my self "Just get home, your almost there" When my arms from my elbows down got numb and my hands started to close up. I pulled into a restaurant parking lot and asked someone to dial 911 I could not open my hands up. I thought I was having a stroke. I was very scary. when I got to the hospital my potassium was extremely low but the doctors felt that I had had a panic attack. Well I am not sure if that was what happen or not but I promised myself this year would be different.
This year I am done with shopping and decorating but there are many events to plan for but I really am at peace. When I feel tension coming on I play George Winston and look at our lights and cuddle with the kids. I really feel full and at peace. I have decided that for the rest of the season I am going to focus on kindness . I am going to try to do or say something kind to everyone I meet and I will focus on how that makes me feel. I got an email the other day and It was about an experiment for a woman's class. Everyone had to smile at three people they encountered during the day and what record what happened when they did this. I don't know if the story was true or not but I thought that that was a really lovely thing to do. Smile, be kind and be at peace- What a beautiful season!

Oh the Drama

We belong to a small UU church and last week was very hard. Our DRE resigned and events before and after were full of emotion- strong emotion with the best intentions of the church though still filled with turmoil. I wrote this poem which I found very healing for myself.

Twas the night before church
My mind was a screamin'
"I hope this week I had just been a dreamin' "

The church that I'd felt always had good karma
Had suddenly seemed to be a place full of drama

An inbox full of harsh emails a flying
I felt like a part of my soul was dieing

I kept thinking this was not a place I wanted to be
But then I thought , truly this is really not about me

We need to think about what the children need
For someday, they are the ones who will take the lead

So if all the adults treat each other with respect
Our issues will be resolved I suspect

If we can all try to be fair
Maybe we'll remember we have a church full of people who truly care

Needing a Rhythm

I am feeling like I need a rhythm to our days. We are trying to keep track of Wonderful Moments this week(As challenged by Stephanie Happy and Free) but I am not seeing them. I have a rather bad case of the Blahs. I did go see the doctor and was diagnosed with SAD. And although I would rather take something like St. John's Wort I can't as it interferes with my thyroid medicine. So I took the chance and am going on a prescribed medicine. I really needed to try something. But with that said I feel like we need more of a rhythm which at this time we just don't have. I asked the girls if they wanted to try something a friend suggested where on Mondays we will do some sort of art project while listening to different kinds of music, Tuesdays play board games, etc. I know it seems very un-unschooling like but they do have the choice as to whether or not they participate and they will also be involved in the planning. So we are going to give it a try, knowing if something better comes along we can always do that too. Part of me is looking forward to trying it and part of me feels like a bit of failure. Well happiness for all of us is the goal so I guess if we are happy doing it then it is right.

Television

I have decided that I really am a tv snob. I find myself often comparing what Maddy watches to what Sara watches. Maddy watches shows that I really find interesting and entertaining so we often watch together. Sara watches shows about teens which for the most part are totally unrealistic. But they are exactly the types of shows I would have watched when I was her age. I try to watch some of them with her but I find myself critiquing the behavior of these worldly teens. Bite my tongue as I may I am a snob. But I have to find some way to get over it and not view what she is watching as anything less than what Maddy watches. One example is one day she said to me," When I am 16 I want to get a pink convertible( like a girl in a movie she watches all the time) but instead of Fabulous on it I am going to get Princess on it." Uggh! This is who she is right now and I am trying to accept it but I also can't help how I feel.

Our New Little Girl

Lily. She is as sweet as sweet can be! She is 2 months old and we adopted her yesterday. She has already started playing and purring around us. She slept with me last night. I couldn't resist. We will see how tonight goes with Maddy and Izzy and Lily in bed with me!! I am surprised how quickly she is adapting to her new home. We haven't introduced her to Reggie yet(our Long Haired daschund who is 14) I wanted her to get used to us first. Jas even thinks she is a cutie and he is not a cat lover!! I am in love already!!

Fall is SOOO Much Fun!

The search for the Great Pumpkin!

Some tasty caramel apples

Happy Halloween!! aka Sara's 13th birthday party!!!

Webkinz get ready for Halloween

The girls did lots of planning and crafting ! Their costumes were quite impressive!
Maddy with all of her designs. I love the pumpkin!

A flower, a witch, a scarecrow and a popstar
A pirate, a bunny and a "prince"

Paths

I have always felt that I was on a path in life and that if I kept coming back to something , it really must be the way to go. Unschooling has been that for me. While we were still homeschooling I kept getting books on unschooling and learning and I kept thinking that it really sounded like the right way to go. The teacher in me(former special ed teacher) and the fact that I love to buy curriculum and plan held me back. Yesterday, being at a gathering with lots of unschoolers just really felt right. It was one of the most unstressful gatherings I have been to in a long time and it was so nice to see , moms loving their kids, kids playing together and working things out when there was a conflict and just plain respect and kindness. My children were so happy. I am really happy we chose this path!

On Me

I know that my children don't like being judged but I have come to realize that I don't like it much either! I do feel like I am constantly being judged by family, for homeschooling, by my hubby for my parenting and housecleaning skills and by friends, unchoolers included! I just want to be me! I want to have a respectful relationship with my children but that goes both ways. If my child does not feel well and does not want to go somewhere or do something, I do not MAKE them but I wish I got that in return. I guess as an adult there are certain commitments we make and we have to keep them but even my kids judge me. If I don't feel well and they want to do something and I explain that I just don't have they energy to do it I get "Your just mean, you don't want us to be happy". Then the guilt sets in . I never seem to be able to make it right for everyone while also making it right for me. Well, enough poor me. Today I will be the best that I can be, just for today and them I will go from there.

On Trust

We have been talking a lot lately about trust and how people who trust each other are close and how as a family I want us to be close, that being one of the reasons I didn't want them to go to school. We also talked about how when people lie to each other and trust is broken that sometimes we lose that closeness. Anyway as we were discussing this Sara said that she thought that all parents lie to their children about things they do not want them to know. I had to thing and as I thought I really couldn't think of anything that I have lied to them about. Except one....... the Big guy with the white beard. I come from a traditional family and that tradition carried on with my children. Except now I am full of guilt! Do I tell them he is not real?? I remember finding out and being devastated and I truly believe my oldest still believes. SO now I am torn do I tell just her or all and will she think it was a lie. which essentially it is.

Some More

So I am very much the kinda of person who feels the need to know what will happen if? I still limit them on the amount of time for computer. Not so much tv although if they were watching all day I would start to feel agitated. But the computer?? I don't know I just keep thinking what will happen? Will their minds and eyes just bleed?! I know if I stare at the tv or computer too long that I get a headache. Will that happen to them? DO I let them discover that for themselves?? Hubby would not agree to that I know. He is on board as far as education but not RU in the terms of parenting. He still threatens punishment all the time. I try to role model all the time but he is not here that often overall. There are days when I think, "Oh this is not me " But I have been reading about unschooling and Radical unshcooling for so long even coming back to it time and time again while we were still homeschooling. It feels like it is where I should be. BUT , I want to be THERE like yesterday.....

Feeling Stuck

I have neglected both of my blogs lately this one and xanga.com/dcart. I have been in a stuck place both with writing and with life. Maybe it is the change of weather! I was all set for crisp cool fall and it has been in the 80's and humid. To top it off we have been fighting the the flea battle Ugh. Poor Reggie has had 2 flea baths a natural treatment which did nothing and then Hartz which did nothing!! The 2nd flea bath worked but they are in the house!! I have 8 bites!! Nothing like feeling like you have the creepy crawlies!! I need frost so the fleas will go away.
Anyway, Izzy has been sick for the last two days so we have gone anywhere. Maybe I just need to get out! Hopefully she will be feeling better today!

Fighting Urges

I did fairly well with patience today and overall handled things well. But, there is always a but. I had to fight the urge all day to get them to do "schooly" things. The thing that does it for me is the computer. WE all spent a lot of time on the computer today and when that happens I am flooded with guilt. I keep thinking I should engage them in something other that staring at a screen. Myself included! But I do know that not all our days are spent like that and they did spend the afternoon outside with friends . But I also fought the urge which in the past I would have really tried to get them to do something that I thought was more educational. So I guess I am learning!

Goals

Jas is away this week. My goal is be patience and serenity. I am often exhausted by 7pm on nights when he is away and that is usually when Maddy and Izzy really want my attention and participation. During the day they are mostly doing their own thing or playing with each other of friends.At night it is all about Mom! My goal is to not be irritable with them and to get overwhelmed when they both want my attention at the same time. Hopefully Sammy will sleep tonight and I will be a well rested mommy in the morning. Now off to more wand making with Maddy!! And for some reason dictionary reading with Izzy( the chosen activity for tonight???)

Sammy

Sammy is my baby. He is full of fire! He is without doubt my most curious, inquisitive child. He is a climber, a dumper, a dancer, and a giggley goose!! I love him dearly!! He is very demanding of me and of himself. It will be fasinating to watch him grow into a little man.

Izzy

My third child, she is a character! She is another one who is full of drama. She makes me laugh on a daily basis. Her sweetness always comes at the right time. She tries very hard to be older than she is and that makes me sad because I love her innocence!!

Maddy

My second born! Oh what a treasure she is!. She is very witty and has a very creative soul. She cares deeply and is very kind hearted. She is also a little monkey the kind you see swinging from the trees! my sweet little night owl the only one who will watch the science channel with me! She is very unlike me and we get along beautifully because of it!

Sara

Sara

My first born. The one that was often trial and error. OHH many errors!! We are not as close as I wish we were but we are getting there. She is much like me although I wish that she did not have my impatience!. She is funny and loves drama. She is getting older by the minute and I am enjoying watching her come into her own.

My Journey

This shall be my place to record my journey towards being a more mindful, peaceful parent. I will make mistakes but I want to record it all to help me remember the ride! We have come a long way since the beginning of our homeschooling turned unschooling journey and we are so much happier. I am not there yet but it has been a wild ride!! " I am still wild but not lost from the thing I have chosen to be" -Sinead Oconner ,Three Babies.